Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
