Yo dont text me then not text me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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