Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
