How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
