Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
