Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
