I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
