Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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