i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
