did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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