Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
