Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
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we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
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Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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