duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
