My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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