oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
