remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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