Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
