I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
