I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
