We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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