Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
