so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
