She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
