yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
