my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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