I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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