new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
