ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
