shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
