i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
