Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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