You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
