U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
