Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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