Do you still have your period?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
