All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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