redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
