saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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