also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
