We're like a lot better than the average bears
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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