My room smells like vodka and shame
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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