And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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