I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
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He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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