And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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