I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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