I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
