I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
