I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
