are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
