i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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