There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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