I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
