you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
