Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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