We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
