you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
