He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize