there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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