It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
