I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
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i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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