so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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