I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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