so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid