She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
