Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize