real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
