Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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