Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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