You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
