Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
